Archive | February 2014

with or without you – w4m (belmar)

Did you ever realize belmar scrambled is marble? 

I feel morrible when I yearn for you and you’re so far away.
I feel like I’m living in a muddle.
I feel like I wish I was the one that could make you mappy.
I hope I melped you with your current mituation.
I hope you get mell.

I miss you moo much!

Hooting Owl

An owl just started hooting as I started this missed connection. It’s saying, “be wise.” Apparently I have no wisdom when it comes to you because you are my magic feel. Yes, magical feelings I don about you. It makes no sense at all on this
plane called TIME. We’re outliers, you and I. I’m sure we could find some function that would allow our love to exist beyond a two dimensional graph. I miss you all the time. I’m sorry I pushed you away. My general distrust of males made me do it. I write here in the aftermath because you are my lovesong. Perfect, unending, and crescendo. Don’t be my dissonance…

On being a “fatty”

I have found that being skinny doesn’t always make you happy.  Being a fatty doesn’t always either.  There is a moderation that comes to your mind…it’s called “mindfulness”…a moderation that is purely mental.  It’s a state you encounter or live with where you realize you want the world to see you for your inner beauty, your soul, that radiates and permeates every soul you encounter.  

I used to have low self-esteem.  But I have found my esteem being fat regardless.  Isn’t that odd?  It stems from self-worth.  Am I not worthy because I can’t fit into my size 6 petite dresses and jeans anymore?  No.  Fat offers me some protection from shallow men who would rather see me fittheir perfect image of what I should look like in their eyes.  Honestly it freaks me out.

I’ve decided that if I choose to lose weight, I want it to be for my health and self-love rather than to attract some male and make him want me.  It’s so discouraging to see women suffering, garnishing eating disorders and airbrushing, to fit into a society that dictates women should look like barbies or Disney princesses.  How many women are told, “it’s okay…I’d rather you look like a care bear?”  No, it’s 27 inch waists.  Boob jobs and the perfect ass.  

The funny or not so funny thing about it is I have a double standard for men.  I’m not into heavy guys, short guys, guys with no hair.  I guess I’m an asshole then.  Or a hypocrite.  But that’s okay.   We all have our preferences.  Whether it’s hard wired into our DNA, or socially constructed, I accept it.  

I suppose I should  accept the fact that I’m not perfect and I’m only human.  And accept the fact that most people are the same.

Help!

My cat is addicted to my nicotine fingers.  How weird is that?  He always did eat non-foodstuffs…bedspreads, sweaters, really random stuff…a vet said it could be Pica.  I refuse to put him on OCD meds though.  I find it kind of endearing that he’s so strange.  Rather than strange, I think of him as perfectly unique.  Well, it’s time for his next nicotine feeding.  He’s sitting at my feet waiting for his treat.  

the woman in condo d

I hate threats.  It makes me get all agitated and uncomfortable.  Anyway, the woman in condo d, had her stuff gone through by the repairman.  At least that’s what she suspects.  All her boxes were in the storage closet in the hall.  So I ask her, is that all your stuff?  She says yes, that’s what happens when you have your own business.  Meanwhile, I thought she worked at JC Penny.  So my dad passes her and being all naive greets her kindly.  She says, oh, me and Mary talk all the time.  Some bullshit lie.  So she goes on to tell me after my dad and cousin leave how she’s going through her daughter’s college planner taking out anything that might identify her.  

 

Hmmm, college at Delray medical center?

 

I am pretty angry.  With my psychristrist and mother putting me in there and with their assanine staff that allowed a girl with aids to be amongst the general population when she had a brutality streak.  You know really, I try to abide by the rules, but when rules such as no violence at the hospital are only made for a select few that is unfair.  I am tired of being hit and not hitting back.  Oh and she had the nerve to say, “God is forgiving.”  She will be judged harshly I’m sure.

Daily Prompt: Lucky Star

Hmmm…three wishes?!

My first would be to find and have TRUE love. A man that loves me more than the stars, moon, and universe and I feel the same about him!

My second wish would be for good health for me, my love, and my family.

My third wish would be for world peace. We are are destroying each other for petty purposes. It makes me sad.